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Wed, 22 May ’13

Comic Book Day: 5 Hilariously Terrible Missteps in Comics

Tales guaranteed to astonish or at least facepalm.

Hemo-Goblin – What do you get when you mix vampire lore and blatant racism? Hemo-Goblin, the white supremacist vampire spook who drank AIDS blood and only bit black people! This ultra villain created in the 80’s for DC’s New Guardians seems like it has to be a joke, but it’s unlikely considering the cultural implications of AIDS in the 80’s. Ironically, Hemo-Goblin died of AIDS, but still, damn DC. Might have been putting it on a little thick there.

The Time Superman Was Almost in a Porn – The 80’s in comics was both a time that was rife with sexual frustration and hilariously bad decisions in plot development. One example of both is the introduction of the aptly named Sleez, a gross goblin-esque character who was booted from his own planet for being too pervy. With his power to hypnotize, he captures the Man of Steel along with heroine Barda and forces them to do the no-pants dance for the camera. Fortunately, Superman wakes up from his psychic coma before anything uncouth happens. Our virgin eyes our safe!

Blow-Hard – During the same storyline that cost Angel his wings, one of the dumbest mutants to grace Marvel’s pages was introduced. Blow-Hard’s powers were as follows: suck the oxygen out of nearby air and focus it through his “wind-pipe”. That’s just breathing and clearly he wasn’t very good at it, because by the end of the issue he’s not. We’d say he blows, but since he’s dead, he just blew.

– We wish Codpiece stayed for longer than just one issue of Doom Patrol. Seriously, how could you not get behind a villain with a souped-up cannon/giant scissors/drill/spring-loaded boxing glove extending from his junk because he was rejected by a girl? If phallic insecurities aren’t enough to drive a man to a crime spree, we don’t know what is. Of course, his Drillbit Taylor is eventually melted off by a transexual hero named Coagula, so poor Codpiece doesn’t last long despite being a real dick.

Superman’s Gay Pink Kryptonite
From Supergirl #79, the jokers behind the book thought it would be a gas to create a pink Kryptonite that turned all Kyrptonians into flaming homosexuals. Superman suddenly has the fashion and decor sense only a gay man would; and by “gay” we mean the most stereotypically flamboyant, offensively cookie cutter image of gay you can possibly think of. If our eyes rolled any harder, they would turn back time; just like in Superman.

What other ridiculously bad judgement calls and characters have you seen in comics? Let us know on
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