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Tue, 6 Jul ’10

Wardrobe by Egon

A knapsack that a possessed Sigourney Weaver would find irresistible

Toward the end of the last millennium, one of history’s greatest thinkers asked us to look deep within ourselves and ponder, “If there’s something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call?” An important question indeed. But, what Mr. Ray Parker, Jr. neglected to also consider was this: “What are we all going to wear?”

A book bag with a proton pack printed on it, of course! Just think how useful this thing would have been back in your school days. Not only is it capable of carrying a full load of books, graphing calculators and other tools of scholarly oppression, but it totally could have saved your hide the day old Gozer showed up with its dogoyles to usher in a new age of especially demonic wedgies. Plus, the gun end—aka neutrona wand—is its own separate zip pouch that could have spared you the humiliation of getting kicked in the fanny pack day after day.

Pre-order this beauty at 80stees.com today and fear the marshmallow people no more. Just remember to be careful when crossing streams. And that goes for in the men’s room too.