Hello Weirdness: The Strangest Hello Kitty Tie-In Products

These gave us a real moment of paws.

Hello Condoms: They look like lollipops, which is horrifying in and of itself. They prominently feature a small cartoon female cat, which is disturbing. They prevent the spread of diseases and unwanted pregnancy, all in the name of kawaii and capitalism, so we guess it’s admirable and we’ll accept it.

Hello Handgun: Stop or my adorable pink kitty-themed gun will shoot! Though not official Sanrio merchandise, enterprising (and scary) Kitty fans have made an array of themed guns, ranging from small handheld models to AKitty47’s.

Hello Chainsaw: For the discerning lumberjack who is more interested in his personal style than the amount of trees he (or she) fells in a day, this Kitty-themed, jewel-encrusted chainsaw is the most important tool in any deforesters (Hello Kitty) handbag.

Hello Gravestone: Just because a Kitty fan has passed on to the big cathouse in the sky doesn’t mean they ever need to stop showing the world their love of all things cute and corporate. Rest in adorableness.

Hello Sausages: Kitty is a freak for meat, as evidenced in this very questionable but cute food-stuff. We hope you brought an appetite, and a camera, so you can snap hundreds of pictures of said appetite. We sincerely hope these sausages are made of traditional sausage ingredients and not something more aww-inducing.

Hello Cigarettes: Because the only thing easier than quitting is not quitting and taking up the most irresponsibly marketed smokes of all time. Not even Hello Kitty can make lung cancer seem kawaii.

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