Super Karamazov Brothers
Commie computer consoles converge at the Museum of Soviet Arcade Games
During the Cold War, teacher-turned-whiny-pop-singer Sting
famously wondered in song “if the Russians
love their children too.” It turns out they did, but just had a funny way
of showing it…as evidenced by video games aimed at Trotskyite tykes from
the Soviet days. These have now found their way into a museum of their very own.
Capitalist marketing experts might have advised against
using unpopular vegetables to appeal to kids. Thinking they knew better, the Communists
created such delights as Turnip
Strength Tester, in which young comrades could thrill to the simulated experience
of extracting root veggies from the ground.
“[These games] were made at secret military factories from the
seventies up to the Perestroika,” says the museum’s official website.
Thus, in addition to approximations of back-breaking labor, there are military
simulations aplenty as well. To get a taste, drop some virtual rubles into a playable online demo of the
submarine game Morskoi Boi (Sea Battle).
In keeping with a collectivist ideology, none of the games list high-scores.
Want a soda? No problem, Comrade Gamer. Hit the soda vending machine. Just remember
this involves a shared glass each user is expected to rinse and
replace after using. Geez. God Bless America…and good oral hygiene. You’ll find more
detailed descriptions (in English), and videos of actual gameplay here.
Retro
games are all the rage. We’d totally go and play right now…if we didn’t have to
fly to Russia first.
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