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Tue, 17 Jul ’12

The Top 5 Action Figures We Want that Don’t Yet Exist

Heeeeeere’s Johnny…Wheeeeere’s our Jack toy?

Though we’re no longer in a golden age of action figures to mach the early aughts, when just about every cult movie (past and present) got its own toy line, the evolution of the market continues, as we saw this past weekend at San Diego Comic-Con International. With high-end companies like Hot Toys scoring top licenses, and the casting of badass actors in more toy-based movies (think Bruce Willis in G.I. Joe: Retaliation, or Mickey Rourke in Iron Man 2) we’ve seen just about every iconic character and actor one could ever want in plastic form. Even figures we thought we’d never get (Danny Trejo as Machete, anyone?) are realities. But there are always some holdouts. Here’s who we still want to see (and may never):

COMICSAll things Blade Runner Harrison Ford’s no stranger to the toy box, so it’s not like making Rick Deckard out of existing parts would be hard. But we’ve needed (non-bootleg versions of) Roy, Pris, Sebastian and most of all that flying car for three decades now. The fact that toys exist for David Lynch’s Dune and not this is a hard one to karmically justify, but if Ridley Scott really is working on a new installment, classic merchandise rights should be part of the deal. Odds of getting made: 2-1 in a couple years.

COMICS&  COMICSAlex DeLarge and Jack Torrance – When it comes to  ’70s and ’80s horror, there are few images as iconic as Jack Nicholson busting through the door with an ax, or Malcolm McDowell decked out in full Droog. Sure, they might seem inappropriate as collectibles to some – one’s an alcoholic killer and the other’s a violent rapist – but now that Hannibal Lecter’s been done, that objection barely flies. There was a very nice knock-off Jack made, and an Alex statue at last year’s Comic-Con, but you aren’t likely to see official action figures ever, as both Stephen King and the Stanley Kubrick estate are fiercely protective, and King supposedly doesn’t think his material’s appropriate for toys. Odds of getting made: 50-1.

COMICSTyler Durden – Brad Pitt was once thought impossible to get – rumor had it that Angelina Jolie, disappointed with her Tomb Raider toys, advised him against allowing anything similar. And then Hot Toys somehow snagged the Inglourious Basterds rights and made Lt. Aldo Raine, suggesting that Pitt, like so many other actors before him, might be more willing to cash in on the other side of the Pacific. What we really want, though, are his David Fincher characters: David Mills would be swell, but Tyler in the porny tank-top would be one figure we’d have to talk about. Odds of getting made: 5-1.

COMICSThe Man with No Name – Aside from one terribly mediocre Rawhide doll that only vaguely resembles the man, Clint Eastwood toys remain as elusive as his character’s moniker in so many spaghetti westerns. He doesn’t like to license his likeness out, with a number of toy companies having been metaphorically told to get off his lawn. But there’s clearly a market among collectors for William Munny, Dirty Harry and probably even Walt Kowalski. You’ll just have to get those rights from his cold, dead hands. Odds of getting made: 100-1 now, 2-1 once his kids control the rights.